you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
