Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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