Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize