Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
