You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
