I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
