He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
