We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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