i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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