I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
