you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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