I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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