i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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