He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
