So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
