ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
