I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
