just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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