I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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