Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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