Whatcha textin bout Willis?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize