I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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