like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
