God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
