you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
