I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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