So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
