I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
