After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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