We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
