Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
