is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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