I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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