My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize