I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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