I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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