I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
