The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
