my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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