I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
