i don't like sucking hair
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
