wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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