We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
