Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize