I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize