If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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