no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
