My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
