i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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