Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
