I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize