you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
