Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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