I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
