Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
