Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
