why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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