I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
