We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
