Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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