We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
