one might say we're banned from that church
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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