my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
