So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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