Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
