fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
