I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
