I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
