I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize