Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
