you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
