Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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