DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
