the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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