people are starting to question the shark bite story
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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