Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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