It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
