i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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