Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
