He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
