Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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