you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
