I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
