we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
