Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
