singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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