Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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