So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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