Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize