I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
