a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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