Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
