apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
