u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
